By Rian Ryan
Wonder. Hope. Kindness.
Those are the sub-themes in this year’s MOPS theme: We are the Starry
Eyed. And they seem a little wild to
me. As in wilderness, they seem foreign
and distant; like things I once knew but haven’t experienced deeply in quite
some time. I think, at a minimum, being
inundated by the everyday sameness of mothering little people can, over time, deaden those
parts of us that are in tune to the beauty around us. So, also, can the slightly
bigger things that come our way. Like Hand,
Foot, and Mouth Disease.
Yes, many of you reading this already know of my family’s
summer drama. The school year ended with
a bout of colds for all (the kind with the never ending runny noses), followed
immediately by another bout of colds.
Followed shortly by a terrible case of HFM (for everyone but my husband)
that lasted about 10 days. One of those
days I laid on the couch unable to do anything due to fever and exhaustion, and
another day I sat on the couch all day because I couldn’t walk from the pain in
my feet. That was followed by ANOTHER
case of HFM that we are still dealing with as I type. My middle child didn’t sleep at all one night
last week but instead thrashed and moaned from itching and pain while we held
him, and two nights later my 2-year-old daughter followed suit. My daughter’s feet are still peeling from the
blisters she had two weeks ago even as new blisters are forming around
them. Some summer, huh? Due to our quarantine we’ve only been to the
pool once, library once, and so help me I have only been to Target once or
twice and it was by myself (ok, that part wasn’t so bad). We have missed almost a month of church, have
turned down all the playdates, have been too feverish or too tired or in too
much pain for fun indoor activities. Or
I’ve been too tired or depressed to make them happen. The walls are closing in on me and for the
love of all that’s holy the AIR CONDITIONING CRAPPED OUT during the hottest
week of the summer (obviously) and we can’t even go anywhere! And as it turns out, summer break is woefully
shorter than I remember it being when I was a kid and school starts the week
after we get back from our vacation (assuming we don’t get another case of HFM,
though if that happens I might just wrap everyone in plastic and put them on
the plane anyway) and I’m just DONE!
And I know, yes, that these aren’t even really big
things. I can list 1,000 things worse
than what we are dealing with. But our
things are just piled up getting heavier and heavier and this camel’s back is
broken. When the second case of HFM hit
us, I was too shocked to even be upset.
For about 5 hours. Then I got
mad. Just plain mad. I grumbled at God. How was he letting this happen? Seriously.
I’d been looking forward to the awesome fun we were going to have on our
summer vacation. We made a summer bucket
list, for crying out loud. It remains
vastly untouched. And I was bitter. Honestly, I still am a little bit. Why did we
have to get sick and watch everyone else have fun? Why did I have to be stuck at home with kids too contagious to take into
public? I was truly despairing, so very
sad and exhausted and disappointed…and bitter (did I mention that?).
But here’s the beautiful part. In the midst of all this, God has been
showing me kindness. In between two
rounds of HFM I got to visit a wonderful friend in PA (by myself!) and my kids
were healthy enough to go to the Sports Camp that we had already paid for and
to which they were looking forward. The
day I was unable to walk was a Saturday and my husband was home to take care of
everything. My sweet friends did all the
meal prep for a freezer cooking session I was supposed to be involved in, and
then the one who was 9 months pregnant delivered it to my house. A friend who is dealing with her own personal
hardships right now delivered a Frappuccino to my door. The same friend who was 9 months pregnant just
had the baby but still delivered a bunch of movies for us to watch while stuck
inside. A brave woman knowingly invited
my family to her home when our AC was out despite the HFM. I accepted the invitation when the dark,
humid, stale house started making me feel like I was going crazy. And then
there’s Facebook through which my friends provided me with so many ideas to
help soothe my kids’ pain and itching, offered supportive words, and offered
their HOMES when our AC was broken. My
kids somehow contented themselves to just play inside all freaking day. On repeat.
But I couldn’t immediately see all of those things as the gifts they
were. The hardness that had built up
only allowed me to see the trials as devastating interruptions to the fun we
were supposed to be having. There was no
hope to be seen, no wonder at God’s goodness.
But something clicked yesterday when I saw the offers to help come
pouring in. God wasn’t casting down
plagues upon my house, he was offering glimpses of his vast love and unending kindness
THROUGH it all. There IS hope in the
midst of any trial that comes our way.
We have to CHOOSE it by opening our eyes to see. There is wonder in the midst of the mundane,
and hope in the midst of fear and despair.
Even the darkness is not dark to You, and the
night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. – Psalm 139:12
“Starry Eyed means looking for the light even when
darkness is enveloping. It is an opportunity to hope recklessly and to witness
God’s presence guiding things seen and unseen, comfortable and uncomfortable.”
(MOPS.org) I want to choose to be Starry Eyed
this year. Will you join me?
Thank you for sharing those horrors! Very glad to see you last night - means things are better - you are out and about.
ReplyDeleteLooks like August is a better month. I do remember, in the deep recesses of my memories, taking care of two little ones while I was sick so sick I stretched out on the dining room table to change diapers. I could not keep my head up - too dizzy and sick. And this too shall pass.
Rian! I LOVED this! Your openness about struggles and the reality of life, and then it all coming around in the end to the theme this year made me tingle!!! Thanks for all the work you ladies have already put in for us to be able to Be Starry Eyed this year at MOPS!!! <3 <3 <3
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